Paws

I went to an animal shelter today, Paws, in West Linn, to pick out a kitty because my mother in law, bless her pea pickin' heart (That's what my hick family says, I don't know what the pea pickin' is about) went to this animal shelter and found out they had kittens. They are a little over a week old, so they have to stay for about a month more, or so, but I guess we are coming into kitten season now.

I could really use a cat for some cheering up. To be perfectly honest I have been having kind of a tough time lately. I mean it's not tough all the time, but in spurts. I am in a twelve step recovery program and I am on my fourth step. If you know the steps, you will know that the fourth step is widely considered the hardest step (there are a lot of disclaimers I want to add to this comment, but I will leave it at that). I am not going to go into the specifics of it, but it's a long process to work on your fourth step, and there is a lot of pain involved in it. When you are finished there is freedom and a better understanding of yourself, and a lot of the history behind what makes you you, the good and the bad. But you have to go through the muck first. Well, I haven't reached the freedom part, and I am still in the muck. The freedom part comes with step 5.

Back to the animal shelter. There was one orange cat, named George, with cerebral palsy and he had no control of his muscle function and he was flopping around, and falling over, attempting to take himself from one place to the next. It broke my heart because he looked like he was suffering (but I found out he's a very happy kitty). I broke down and started bawling right in front of the lady. I could not stop crying for the longest time.

Shockingly, I wasn't that embarrassed. I was mostly confused at why I was reacting so strongly. It's an odd feeling to react so strongly to something and not even know why you feel the way you do. I am practicing accepting not knowing what's constantly going on with me emotionally. I have a feeling this too while take a while.